The Ultimate Excuse

I’ve been sitting here for almost a year (my last post was 12.04.12), deluding myself with so many reasons excuses for not being present here or in my spiritual and physical life:

• “I just got a new job, and it’s only a temp role–so I don’t have time to leave to workout.”
• “We’re having a baby, so I need to get the house ready for his/her arrival.”
• “I’ve been diagnosed with depression, and am just starting medication–so I should get that straightened out first.”
• “We had our son–so I should be there for Anna when she needs me.”
• “I got hired on full-time (for the same position and on the same team), and now I need to show that I wasn’t just working hard to get the blue badge–so I don’t have time to leave to workout.”

And while sitting here, I gained back a bunch of weight. And developed cyclical back pains. And grew out of a lot of my clothes.

“But I know what the problem is!” I told myself, “I don’t have the right tools!” But a new armband and a new mp3 player later, I still wasn’t doing anything.

“But I know what the problem is!” I told myself, “I haven’t been doing what worked so well the last time!” But after checking out the blog that inspired me and re-starting the book that was my tipping point, nothing changed.

I spent so much time worrying that I had lost my mojo. And I told myself that all I had to do was find my motivation. And things would be fine.

And just today–seriously–I realized that I had been telling myself the biggest lie of healthy eating and living: that I need motivation to do the right thing for me, my body, and my family. That’s bull. Motivation (or rather the lack of or search for it) is the largest obstacle on my journey. I don’t need motivation; I need to take action. I’m reminded of the Yoda quote and the Nike slogan. And, strangely, it never clicked. God was speaking to me through some unexpected sources. But now I can hear Him. And he’s telling me to get off my rear and do something.

Weekly Goals:
Workout at work: 4 days
HIIT at home: 2 days
Walk (jog): 10 miles
Fast: 1 day
Read the Bible: 7 days
Pray with Anna: 7 days
Register for some kind of race. Any race.

I’m not back. I’m just doing it.

Third Half

The Seattle Marathon was about a week and a half ago. I had a number of friends who ran the race–both the half and the full. Watching them train brought up a lot of guilt for me. I knew I should have been training for something. Or at least running. But I wasn’t. Instead, I was watching as they were getting into race shape, I was feeling sorry for myself. As they were getting healthy, I was gaining weight.

I was and am very happy for them. But now I will be in their shoes. I’ve signed up for the Mercer Island 1/2 at the end of March. And I will rock it. I’m so excited (though I haven’t actually started on the running yet–baby steps!) to be back to where I can run 13.1 miles. It’ll be my third half, and it will be awesome.

So there you have it. I have my next race scheduled. What about you?

Calories Consumed: 2,354
Calories Burned through Exercise: 764
Net Calories: 1,590

I’m sorry. I was wrong.

So I’m taking a class at my church called the “Spiritual Journey.” It’s essentially a 12-Step class more for spiritual issues than addiction, but it can also help with those problems as well. And I’m now two classes from completion (one tomorrow and one next Tuesday). We’ve gone through the acknowledgement of our problems, realizing that we can’t do it on our own, and making amends.

It’s been a long, tough road–and that’s even without putting in nearly as much work as I should have. And that’s typical of a lot of my life right now. I’m just not doing as much as I should.

So, in the spirit of the Spiritual Journey (and because this entire blog is called, Journey to Sanctification”), I have to make some amends. Albeit with some poetic license.

I’m sorry to my friends in this community. I was wrong to think that I could do this all without you. I was wrong to abandon you all–to no longer speak on your blogs and feeds (and lives) and allow you to speak into my life. To no longer encourage you and allow you to encourage me. To think that you would abandon me when I struggle. To just disappear on you all. I run away. I was wrong for thinking I could do this without you.

I’m sorry to Anna, my wife, for showing you how healthy I could be and then taking that away from you. I’m sorry for not taking care of myself. For allowing desire for temporary pleasure from food to take my sight off the goal I have for living a long and healthy laugh for you and any possible far future children. I was wrong to be so lazy. And I was wrong for trying to hide it from you and for reacting so negatively when you were caring enough to encourage me to go out and exercise or to just stop eating. For pushing you away. I was wrong for thinking I could do this without you.

I’m sorry to God for trying to solve my problems myself–through food and comfort. For acting like you don’t matter in my life, even though I truly believe that you do. For not coming to you with my struggles, and not allowing you to be glorified by any successes that I had. I was wrong for thinking I could do this without You.

I’m sorry to myself for being so short-sighted that I would sacrifice my exercise time, running, and positive body image for work and relaxation. I was wrong to think that it was worth more for me to work long hours, wear myself out, and scarf down bad food than it was to take that time to sweat out my stress and eat well.

Well, all that changes now. I have a new job (that I really enjoy and allows me to work realistic hours). I have a new gym. And I have a new outlook and refreshed motivation.

I’m sorry for my absence. And I’m excited to be back!

Calories Consumed: 2,218
Calories Burned through Exercise: 528
Net Calories: 1,690

More news, goals, and sharing of life to come–and I’ll actually post my weight again next Monday. Though I’m sure not looking forward to that!

Entitlement

The Entitlement Generation. I don’t know if this is a real thing, but I work with a lot of people in the younger generation–and my brother is a high school teacher and teaches a lot of people in this generation. And while it’s probably a creation of the media, I see the effects almost every day: 

-People expecting to make more money right out of school and in an entry-level position.
-People expecting to get promoted quickly.
-People wanting to come in late…and leave early.
-People not wanting to take direction.

And I fear that I may be a part of that generation.

I want something for nothing. I want to be handed things just for being me. I want to be above average. I want to be treated specially.

I want my freaking ribbon!! 

And it makes me think about my weight-loss and entire journey to sanctification. About how I got here. How I used my quick success as an indicator of the future–and not realizing that it was just the start! That once I dropped weight, I would have to work even harder and devote even more time to maintaining.

Without that dedication, I just got lazy and let it creep back up. Maybe I thought that I was entitled to a healthy life. Maybe I thought that it would be as easy as winning a participation certificate at a 3rd Grade Science Fair.

But it’s not easy. Its freaking hard!  And I guess that’s the best part about the process: it’s teaching as much about my self and my issues as it is teaching me about my health!

I need to work my ass off. Literally!

Wednesday
35 minutes of Cardio at work
50 pushups
50 sit ups
Read the Bible daily
Pray daily
Calorie deficit: 737

Total
80 minutes of Cardio at work
60 minutes of exercise at home.
100 pushups
100 sit ups
Read the Bible daily
Pray daily
Average Calorie Deficit: 416

Remaining
70 minutes of Cardio at work
120 minutes of exercise at home.
Walk/jog/run 10 miles
50 pushups
50 sit ups
Read the Bible daily
Pray daily
Date with Anna
Average Calorie Deficit:700

Attitude

My spiritual life right now consists of going to church (most Sundays), praying (at least the church prayer list), reading the Bible (via a phone app), and getting my devotional emailed to me every day.

My spiritual life is nice, but it’s not vibrant. It’s not…alive.

I know that I don’t get enough sleep to encourage myself to wake up early for time with God. I know that I don’t spend the time I need to let Him speak into my life. My prayers are entreaties. My prayers are selfish. They’re not acts of worship. They’re not conversations.

So yes, I need to do better on that.

And because of my weak prayer life; because of my weak spiritual life, I’m not growing. I’m not exactly shrinking either. I’m mostly stagnant.

Again, that’s not okay.

I need to fix my attitude. But what made me think of this? My daily devotional:

Are we condemned to be passive victims of our moods?  Must we simply say:  “I feel great today” or “I feel awful today,” and require others to live with our moods?

Although it is very hard to control our moods, we can gradually overcome them by living a well-disciplined spiritual life.  This can prevent us from acting out of our moods.  We might not “feel” like getting up in the morning because we “feel” that life is not worth living, that nobody loves us, and that our work is boring.  But if we get up anyhow, to spend some time reading the Gospels, praying the Psalms, and thanking God for a new day, our moods may lose their power over  us.

Man, that’s some good stuff. It is so important for me to remember the impact attitude can have on my life. That I can’t control anything–God does–but I can control how I react to life’s challenges. It’s just like this quote (my absolute favorite):

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.  It will make or break a company…a church….a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude…I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.  And so it is with you…we are in charge of our attitudes.”
―    Charles R. Swindoll

What about you? How do you take on the day? Especially those days that seem to be too much?

Tuesday
100 pushups
100 sit ups
Read the Bible daily
Pray daily
Calorie surplus: +635

Total
45 minutes of Cardio at work
60 minutes of exercise at home.
50 pushups
50 sit ups
Read the Bible daily
Pray daily
Average Calorie Deficit: 260

Remaining
105 minutes of Cardio at work
120 minutes of exercise at home.
Walk/jog/run 10 miles
50 pushups
50 sit ups
Read the Bible daily
Pray daily
Date with Anna
Average Calorie Deficit:700

Hello? Is this thing on?

Is anyone there? Yeah, I wouldn’t blame you if you weren’t. It’s been a long time since my last post. 

How long? Oh, only about 6 months. And they haven’t been pretty. Argh!

I’m so frustrated with myself. But I guess the fact that I’m frustrated is a good thing, right? It shows that I’m not giving up. I may have slid (and boy do I have a ton of “awesome” excuses), but I didn’t go away. I may have quite the hill to climb, but I WILL climb it! Man, I’ve got to.

I thought about titling this post, “Rebuilding the Temple,” but let’s be honest, I’m not even at the rebuilding phase. I’m closer to getting the permits. Or drafting the plans. Or watching DIY Network or something…

But I’m sitting here, having worked a total of 7 hours in the yard over the past two days; having eaten within my Calorie goals; and more excited than I have been in the last 6 months to eat and live well.

GOALS 
150 minutes of Cardio at work
180 minutes of exercise at home.
Walk/jog/run 10 miles
150 pushups
150 sit ups
Read the Bible daily
Pray daily
Date with Anna
Maintain Calorie deficit of at least 700

Monday
45 minutes of Cardio at work
60 minutes of exercise at home.
Read the Bible daily
Pray daily
Calorie deficit: 1,154

Remaining
105 minutes of Cardio at work
120 minutes of exercise at home.
Walk/jog/run 10 miles
150 pushups
150 sit ups
Read the Bible daily
Pray daily
Date with Anna
Maintain Calorie deficit of at least 700