So I’m taking a class at my church called the “Spiritual Journey.” It’s essentially a 12-Step class more for spiritual issues than addiction, but it can also help with those problems as well. And I’m now two classes from completion (one tomorrow and one next Tuesday). We’ve gone through the acknowledgement of our problems, realizing that we can’t do it on our own, and making amends.
It’s been a long, tough road–and that’s even without putting in nearly as much work as I should have. And that’s typical of a lot of my life right now. I’m just not doing as much as I should.
So, in the spirit of the Spiritual Journey (and because this entire blog is called, Journey to Sanctification”), I have to make some amends. Albeit with some poetic license.
I’m sorry to my friends in this community. I was wrong to think that I could do this all without you. I was wrong to abandon you all–to no longer speak on your blogs and feeds (and lives) and allow you to speak into my life. To no longer encourage you and allow you to encourage me. To think that you would abandon me when I struggle. To just disappear on you all. I run away. I was wrong for thinking I could do this without you.
I’m sorry to Anna, my wife, for showing you how healthy I could be and then taking that away from you. I’m sorry for not taking care of myself. For allowing desire for temporary pleasure from food to take my sight off the goal I have for living a long and healthy laugh for you and any possible far future children. I was wrong to be so lazy. And I was wrong for trying to hide it from you and for reacting so negatively when you were caring enough to encourage me to go out and exercise or to just stop eating. For pushing you away. I was wrong for thinking I could do this without you.
I’m sorry to God for trying to solve my problems myself–through food and comfort. For acting like you don’t matter in my life, even though I truly believe that you do. For not coming to you with my struggles, and not allowing you to be glorified by any successes that I had. I was wrong for thinking I could do this without You.
I’m sorry to myself for being so short-sighted that I would sacrifice my exercise time, running, and positive body image for work and relaxation. I was wrong to think that it was worth more for me to work long hours, wear myself out, and scarf down bad food than it was to take that time to sweat out my stress and eat well.
Well, all that changes now. I have a new job (that I really enjoy and allows me to work realistic hours). I have a new gym. And I have a new outlook and refreshed motivation.
I’m sorry for my absence. And I’m excited to be back!
Calories Consumed: 2,218
Calories Burned through Exercise: 528
Net Calories: 1,690
More news, goals, and sharing of life to come–and I’ll actually post my weight again next Monday. Though I’m sure not looking forward to that!