I’ve been sitting here for almost a year (my last post was 12.04.12), deluding myself with so many reasons excuses for not being present here or in my spiritual and physical life:
- “I just got a new job, and it’s only a temp role–so I don’t have time to leave to workout.”
- “We’re having a baby, so I need to get the house ready for his/her arrival.”
- “I’ve been diagnosed with depression, and am just starting medication–so I should get that straightened out first.”
- “We had our son–so I should be there for Anna when she needs me.”
- “I got hired on full-time (for the same position and on the same team), and now I need to show that I wasn’t just working hard to get the blue badge–so I don’t have time to leave to workout.”
And while sitting here, I gained back a bunch of weight. And developed cyclical back pains. And grew out of a lot of my clothes.
“But I know what the problem is!” I told myself, “I don’t have the right tools!” But a new armband and a new mp3 player later, I still wasn’t doing anything.
“But I know what the problem is!” I told myself, “I haven’t been doing what worked so well the last time!” But after checking out the blog that inspired me and re-starting the book that was my tipping point, nothing changed.
I spent so much time worrying that I had lost my mojo. And I told myself that all I had to do was find my motivation. And things would be fine.
And just today–seriously–I realized that I had been telling myself the biggest lie of healthy eating and living: that I need motivation to do the right thing for me, my body, and my family. That’s bull. Motivation (or rather the lack of or search for it) is the largest obstacle on my journey. I don’t need motivation; I need to take action. I’m reminded of the Yoda quote and the Nike slogan. And, strangely, it never clicked. God was speaking to me through some unexpected sources. But now I can hear Him. And he’s telling me to get off my rear and do something.
Workout at work: 4 days
HIIT at home: 2 days
Walk (jog): 10 miles
Fast: 1 day
Read the Bible: 7 days
Pray with Anna: 7 days
Register for some kind of race. Any race.
I’m not back. I’m just doing it.